


11 Drunk Nobodies Play Slender

by KaenOkami



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alcohol, Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Games, Humor, M/M, Video & Computer Games
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2370524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaenOkami/pseuds/KaenOkami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Xemnas and Saix are away, the rest of the Organization decides to steal his booze and play a game. Xigbar gets his ass kicked, Axel gives birth to a chocobo, Roxas and Zexion are scarred for life, Luxord can't form a coherent sentence, Xaldin thinks he's Chuck Norris, Larxene's attempts to get laid fail miserably, Marluxia is a total wuss, and Demyx provides background music.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - I have no clue how I got this idea, but it demanded to be written after I had it. This is based on ‘11 Drunk Guys Play Slender’, so look that up on YouTube before you read this to get a better idea of what it’s like. 
> 
> Axel: And there’s a lovely subliminal message in the intros too -  
> Roxas: *jumps on him and claps a hand over his mouth* SHUT UP!

Axel whistled softly as he made his way to the Grey Room. He wondered idly why Xemnas had called him in so late. The day’s work was finished and he’d been told he was done. Entering the room, he was surprised to see Xigbar there as well.

“You too?” he called to Xigbar, who was lounging on a chair.

“Yeah,” Xigbar answered. “Hey, what do you think we - “

“Good, you’re both here,” a deep voice intoned from the doorway, and Axel turned around to see Xemnas standing there. 

“So what’s our mission, Superior?” Axel asked. “And no offense, but why so late?”

“No mission for you tonight,” said Xemnas. “But this is a job of special importance. I must be away tonight, as you can see.” He held up a thick black leash he had in his hand, and the other two immediately understood.

“Oh, right, I forgot,” Axel said with a smirk. “It’s Saïx’s time of the month!” he and Xigbar chorused. 

Just a month ago, the Organization’s suspicions that Saïx was a werewolf because of how the moon made him go bananas had been confirmed at the last full moon when Xaldin had caught him, in wolf form, eating all of Luxord’s sesame chicken out of the pantry. After they were able to stop Luxord from chasing Saïx around the castle with a rolled-up newspaper and spray bottle and then restrain the huge wolf, Xemnas had decreed that each full moon, he would take Saïx out away from the castle to prevent any further incidents. Saïx did not like this arrangement at all, but as he had been a wolf in a doggy crate at the time, he could not protest. However, he resisted it in any way he could. Like now, when he pulled against the leash as Xemnas yanked the giant blue-furred wolf into the room.

“Yes,” Xemnas said, struggling to keep hold on Saïx. “So as we will not be here tonight, the two of you are in charge of the castle while we’re gone.”

“That’s all?” Axel said, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s all. I’m trusting you two,” Xemnas told them sternly, “and if this castle is not in one piece when we get home, I promise I will rub steak all over you and lock you in a cage with him.” He pointed at the snarling wolf and glared at Xigbar and Axel warningly. They glanced nervously at each other and then hurriedly assured Xemnas that they would take good care of the castle. 

Xemnas smirked. “I thought so. I will see you in a few hours’ time, then. Come, Saïx.” With that, Xemnas turned and left the castle, with all his effort dragging a loudly complaining Saïx behind him. Xigbar and Axel stood there in silence until the indignant howling faded, meaning that Xemnas and Saïx had left the castle grounds.

“So...the castle’s ours now,” Xigbar said slowly. “No Saïx. No Xemnas.”

“Yeah,” said Axel in the same tone. “No one here to tell us what to do.”

“We could do...anything we want to do. And there’d be nothing to stop us.”

A devilish grin was unfurling on Axel’s face. “We could have a little fun.” He turned to see a matching grin on Xigbar’s face.

“Heh heh...When the bosses are away, the Nobodies will play,” he snickered.

“But what exactly to do...?” Axel thought a moment, and then snapped his fingers as a wonderful thought occurred to him. “I’ve got an idea!” he said excitedly. “Here’s what we’ll do - I know where Saïx keeps his laptop, so I’ll go get that, and you go raid the boss’ liquor cabinet.”

“I like the sound of this already!” exclaimed Xigbar. 

“Hopefully everyone else will too,” Axel said. “On the way, we’ll get everybody we can find and bring them back here. We’re all going to have some fun!”

“Let’s go!” On the spur of the moment, the two high-fived, and then bolted off down separate hallways to retrieve their items and gather the Organization.

~0~

_A short while later..._

“So,” said Axel, striding back into the Grey Room with Saïx’s laptop in his hands, “is everyone here, Roxas?” He had run into the younger Nobody, who had heard the werewolf’s yowls and come to see what was going on, right after splitting up with Xigbar, and after Axel explained the situation and his plan, Roxas had helped him get the rest of the Organization together.

“Almost,” Roxas reported. “We’ve got everyone but Vexen, Marluxia, and Larxene. Vexen didn’t feel like doing anything with us since he’s busy with his experiments, and we couldn’t find the other two.”

“We think they’re hiding,” Zexion quipped. “Marluxia’s probably in his garden blending in with the flowers, and Larxene’s probably off having tea with Satan.”

“Hey, everybody!” Xigbar called as he rounded a corner, grinning at them over the several large crates of booze he was lugging. “I got refreshments!” He gave the door an unnecessary kick to open it fully and came in after the others, placing the crates down on a table.

“So what have you got in mind for tonight, Axel?” asked Luxord as Axel set the laptop down on the other table and started it up.

“Yeah, it’d better not be anything boring!”warned Demyx.

“Don’t worry, guys,” Axel assured them as he tapped keys and moved the mouse. “I’m pretty sure this game will get you going. All right, boys - “ he swiveled the laptop around so everyone could see the screen - “Meet the Slender Man!”

A collective gasp came from everyone in the room as they stared at the title screen.

“I didn’t know Saïx played Slender,” Roxas remarked, surprised. “Or anything else.”

“I thought he was obsessed with New York Shark,” Xigbar explained. “He spends all his time not involving work or Xemnas on that game and thinks no one realizes.”

Xaldin chuckled. “Nothing is more awkward than going into Saïx’s room to report and have him tell you, in all seriousness, ‘Go away, I’m eating Spider Man.’”

“Heh heh, yeah. But getting back to my point: Tonight,” Axel proudly proclaimed, “we are not only going to defeat the Slender Man, but we are going to do it while drunk off our asses!” He paused for a moment, grinning crazily, to let that sink in. “What do you think, guys, can we do it?”

A huge “YEAH!” from everyone else reverberated through the room, accompanied by a victory tune courtesy of Demyx and his sitar.

“All right then!” shouted Axel gleefully. “Lexaeus, shut off the lights, we’re doing this right!”

Lexaeus, the closest one to the light switch, flipped the switch and the room went near-completely dark, save for the glow of the laptop screen and the soft light of Kingdom Hearts in the sky. 

“So who wants to go first?” Axel asked them, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

“Come onnnnn,” whined Axel as he scanned the forest for any sign of a page. “Where are they?” 

The others had voted that Axel play first, because it was his idea, and they had spent the past quarter of an hour getting properly wasted and making fun of Axel’s difficulties with the game as they did it. They giggled drunkenly at his latest complaint, poking Axel incessantly to annoy him more.

“Axel, you’re too sober to play it right!” Xigbar said, smirking. “Let someone else try!”

“Yeah, I wanna play, I’m drunk enough!” Demyx shouted, pushing on Axel’s shoulder. The more drinks he had, the more unnecessarily loud he got. “C’mon, Axel, I can find him.”

“No way, pipsqueak!” growled Xaldin, standing up to challenge Demyx. “If anyone plays next, it’ll be me!”

“Guys, guys - _hic!/em > Re - _hic!_ \- relax! _Hic!”_ Roxas attempted to defuse the situation, but his hiccups made him very hard to take seriously. “We - _hic!_ \- can sort th - _hic!_ \- this out - _hic!”__

Taking pity on the youngest Nobody, Zexion stepped between the bristling Demyx and Xaldin. “We’ll all get a chance to play,” he said relatively clearly, priding himself on being able to hold his liquor better than the others. Thinking it would be a quick and easy way to settle this, he suggested, “Why don’t you play Rock-Paper-Scissors to see who goes now?” 

Demyx and Xaldin liked this idea, and prepared to play for it. “Okay - rock, paper, scissors, and - “ 

“-Laser gun!” The two of them stared at each other’s finger guns for a moment, while the rest of the Organization looked on with amused interest, sipping their drinks. Deciding not to complain, they compromised by glaring daggers at each other and going again. “Rock, paper, scissors, and -“  
“Chuck Norris!” 

“Mr. Spock!” 

Zexion sighed. “We haven’t got all night, you two. Just do it right.” 

Demyx, still holding up his Vulcan salute, stuck his tongue out at Zexion in answer. Xaldin reluctantly came out of the pose he had struck - which he probably thought made him look godlike but in reality looked like he was exposing himself - and said, “Okay, Demyx, one more game, winner take all. Only _real_ signs! Got it?” 

Demyx nodded like a happy puppy, and they prepared for one last go. “Rock, paper, scissors, and - “ 

“MANSEX!” Demyx thrust his arms out, crossing them into an X. Xaldin stared, his paper held out incredulously. “What?” Demyx asked. “The boss beats everything!” 

“Okay, you know what?!” Xaldin, entirely unamused, promptly punched Demyx across the room where he collided with Axel, knocking the redhead out of the chair. “I win, I’m playing!” He sat down in front of the computer and started playing. “Why the hell won’t this guy move?” he yelled not two seconds later, holding the key down as hard as he could to try and make the character move at something above a snail’s pace. 

“Try punching him,” suggested a still-dazed Demyx as Axel pushed him off his lap. “See if that’ll make him do what you want.” 

“That was a joke, Xaldin!” Axel said quickly, as Xaldin had looked like he would take Demyx’s advice. “No one can put a scratch on that laptop, everybody got it?” 

“Yeah!” cried Luxord, face flushed and swaying slightly. “If us hurts you, the computer will eat Saïx!” 

“Uh...come again?” asked Axel. 

“I think that was meant to be, ‘If you hurt the computer, Saïx will eat us.’” Xigbar translated. “Right, Luxord?” 

Luxord nodded. “Just like chicken Saïx ate my sesame!” 

“Er...if you say so,” Axel said, turning toward the beer crate. Unlike the others, he was still perfectly sober, and he sought to rectify that problem. But he’d only just started to take a drink when a roar from behind him startled him so badly it all blew out of his mouth. 

“OH MY KINGDOM HEARTS, YOU GUYS!” Xaldin thundered. “I FOUND A PAGE!” 

Coughing a little, Axel hurried to join the others in crowding around Xaldin and the laptop, as Xaldin got closer to the scrap of paper on a tree, so they could all take a good look before he took it. 

“No - _hic!_ \- eyes, always wat - _hic!_ \- watches,” Roxas read, sounding nervous. “Creepy... _hic!”_

“Like Xigbar?” said Demyx, missing the point entirely. 

“What?!” shouted Xigbar, outraged. “I’ve still got one eye, you idiot!” 

“Shut up, angry pirate,” Demyx muttered, taking another drink. 

_~0~_

Alone in his lab, Vexen mixed several chemicals necessary for his latest project, but found himself unable to concentrate due to his irritation with the other members. The nerve of them all! Jumping at the first opportunity to waste time with a childish game without the Superior or Saïx to keep them in line, stealing their possessions to do it, and most insulting of all, they had assumed _he_ would want to take part in such foolishness! 

He would have put a stop to it the second they’d told him, except Xigbar and Xaldin were both in favor of Axel’s ridiculous plan, and as they ranked higher than him, it was their words over his. Oh, how he wished he could do something... 

Then it hit him. What was stopping him from doing something? Xigbar _had_ said they could do anything they wanted with the Superior and Saïx gone, or something to that effect. He couldn’t stop them, of course, but he could certainly get his own in, and make them pay at least a little for acting this way. Vexen chuckled, already trying to figure out what he would do. He’d mess with them a little, he thought as he put away the chemicals for later use and sealed the container, and as they were bound to get themselves incredibly drunk the results would undoubtedly be amusing. Oh, yes, this was going to be good... 


End file.
